oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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