The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize