Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
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Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
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Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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