i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Randomize
