I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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