He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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