I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I think my moral compass just broke
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
