hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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