How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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