quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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