last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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