He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
