someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
