I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
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They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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