recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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