Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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