So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Terrible idea I love it
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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