As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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