Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
