i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
