i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Randomize
