Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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