Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
