He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
