We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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