At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
