i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
