It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
