it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
