He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize