Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
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It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
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when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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