i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We were destined to go to rehab together
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
