I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
So squirting runs in the family.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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