I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
