I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize