Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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