dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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