So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
