Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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