Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
