i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
