i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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