if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
