I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize
