I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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