Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
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Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
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Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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