even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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