I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
