I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
