My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
farters have to be the big spoon...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
