so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
