We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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