i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
