I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
