Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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