You just made me feel so damn special
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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